Last night I co-lead a discussion group with parents of an international church in The Hague about parenting. I basically shared my own stories that illustrated my core value of parenting which is having good relationships with my kids. During the course of this conversation, I was sharing how important it is for me to live in community with others. It is good and beneficial for my kids to be around others, to hear their stories and how they are fleshing out what they believe, how they struggle, what they question and how they are contending with God. It is equally benefical for us to have people over that are not yet Christians, and to watch God transform them before their very eyes. I mentioned that earlier in the week, we had a baby shower for 2 of the teachers at my kids school that were having babies. It was a way for us to share a bit of American culture as well as a way to build community within our school, and honor them, show them love and get to know them a little better.
Well, with that came a deluge of resistance. The mothers in the group were quick to defend why they can’t be entertaining that often in their homes, too much work, stresses them out, etc. I tried to explain the difference between entertaining and sharing life together, how informal I am, etc. Then one mother said to me, “You must be an extrovert.” Wow, I have been accused of a lot of things in my life, but never an extrovert. I am an introvert to the core. There was a part of me that was a bit proud of the accusation. I have worked really hard since we moved here on being more outgoing, more social. I have taken a lot more risks in relationships. I start conversations with perfect strangers at the park, I throw parties in my house for people I don’t know, I travel hours on trains to go to meetings with other parents and make it a goal to get to know them a little better every time we travel. Why? I believe that there is a hunger for belonging and community, real life on life living and sharing. I have had to change, you see because in the past, I was able to ride on coat-tail of my late husband who was an extrovert. I didn’t need to be overly intentional with people, because he met enough people to keep us both busy.
We talked last night about the need we all have, including our kids for belonging and relationships. I strongly believe that if all the parents that were at the meeting last night, were intentional in the relationships they currently have, there would be a noticeable change in the culture of The Hague and their kids would feel at bit at ease knowing they aren’t the only ones with questions and doubts. We all have them.
